I recently shared an article about vampirism in a private setting and was asked a few questions that started with why. Why I allowed this behavior into my life, home, why I didn't take the advice of those around and ultimately, what the hell happened? (To understand the concept of vampirism from a psychological perspective see The 5 Types of Energy Vampires.)
Truly, I have asked myself why thousands of times and can now honestly answer: the belief I had about myself held me hostage. I believed myself to be a good, caring, kind person who understood the human condition extends across a spectrum of behavior. I believed human beings were intrinsically good and 'unconditional positive regard' was the way in which people could authentically heal their deepest wounds. It was what I was taught as vital to becoming an effective clinician that led me down a path where I lacked discernment as it had become 'judgmental' in my mind. Often reflected back to me by the vampires I speak of. I'd brought the concept into my personal life and over extended it in my professional one--that's on me. From accusations of 'you're shaming me' to 'you're not in the flow and frequency of Oneness,' property damage and threats of rape, I have heard many judgments and manipulations cast my way during attempts to set healthy boundaries, honor my Divinity and respect that which I knew was most sacred. Thus, causing me to question my beliefs and my Self.
Every vampire I have met has followed a similar pattern: honest and upfront about who they are when we met, their history, mistakes, addictions, crimes (including felonies and molestations)... whatever is in their past that would turn a HEALTHY person away, is put out on the table in an honest and grotesque form. Albeit slightly slanted--they were the victim, wrong place wrong time, false accusations, etc. all in a way that indicates they have taken personal responsibility for their mistakes and past crimes and are changed because of or in spite of it. With each new disclosure we accept, by simply continuing the relationship when we feel the first twinge to get out or it's gone too far, we verbally and nonverbally demonstrate their behavior is acceptable within the relationship we share with them. Granting them permission to move into abusive patterning with us as we have proven our loyalty with the continued acceptance of their maladaptive behaviors and dismissal of others in our lives. Thereby, emboldening their safety and security within the relationship inevitably leading to increased disclosures and demonstrations of poor behavior. Only, now we are likely cast as being judgmental or the cause of it when we were once the soothing balm.
No, they are not, they have a zoomed out (the forest) view compared to our zoomed in (the trees) and narrow view of the experience. An us against the world mentality can soon enter into this toxic relationship dynamic; in the most extreme cases, we see behaviors like Bonnie and Clyde.
When we share happy or good news that does not help or feed them, it causes the vampire pain as if shining sunlight on their skin--your happiness and success burns!!! Therefore, they MUST stop the pain and do what needs to be done. In fairness, if you were lit on fire, what would you do? They may be acting 'as if' they are happy and supportive of you; in full disclosure, we teach this skill in psychotherapy. Acting 'as if' is one method of helping vampires who don't like how they 'live' in our world AND it is an ACTING 'as if' behavior. They do NOT feel love, warmth or care about your life beyond what is of benefit to them or what they can extract for themselves (for a spiritual person, this includes your Medicine). What we feel from them is our own light they have extracted from us and past victims used to mask themselves in order to create the illusion of their desirability as a person or in the world (Wild Wild Country depicts a master illusionist, mesmerist and grifter). Reformed vampires are sometimes depicted on the series Supernatural, they are often acting 'as if' they are human and feed on lesser forms (i.e. animals or donated blood) in order to survive and the hunger/temptation is always at the forefront of their lives. Give them a taste of fresh human blood and they are overcome with instinct, hunger and fury.
In our happiness, growth or other positive experience in the world, a vampire will begin to experience pressure building and ultimately move into patterned, often gaslighting, behaviors (created long before you, me or anyone else new entered their life). They may attempt to sabotage your success by creating drama cycles, such as family arguments, suicidal ideation or attempts, relapses in addiction, threats against you, your profession, animals, home, etc. Anything they can do to ensure you are, at the very least, distracted, if not altogether unable to attend. These behaviors become ESPECIALLY evident when there are critical meetings such as a job interview, being timely to pick up a loved one or attending an appointment, even a holiday party, etc. Ensuring your inability to find personal success and mindful connection with the outside world. How can we connect to the here and now when our thoughts are busy elsewhere?
Eventually, we begin a silent descent of solitude fearing rejection from the vampire (there is an addictive/codependent quality) and those we love or once called our tribe are likely already at a distance. We are unable to see or accept our own truth of what led us into the relationship (often a core wound), protecting and/or defending the vampire, etc. Over time, we become smaller as our world is shrinking; Inside Out does a beautiful job depicting how our inner worlds crumble around us slowly from external influence and then, how our outer world begins to become smaller too. If we attempt to terminate the relationship because we feel the vampire has 'violated' us or the relationship in some way, they will use our own words, thoughts and actions to manipulate the narrative in order to make us question ourselves and reality (amongst other tactics). They employ trickery to keep us trying to guess what is going on, to the point we start to question our sanity (a.k.a. gaslighting) and then, our very foundation begins to crack. This can be an opportunity to reclaim oneself and, it would be best to avoid these relationships at all cost.
We diagnose vampiric behavior with many things in the field of psychology such as seen in addiction, codependency, and personality disorders/features of: narcissism, antisocial, borderline, histrionic, sociopath, psychopathy, etc. These individuals have a LIFELONG pattern of maladaptive behavior that does NOT and WILL NOT change over time. No amount of love or acceptance will change them and it will surely change you as they extract every last piece until you are dead, or wish you were, as you look around at the tattered fabric of your life or decide to have self respect and leave. And you WILL be discarded without ceremony when a new food source becomes available.
Influence of Planetary Alignments: Chiron & Uranus
I believe Chiron in Aries will challenge this dynamic significantly. In total, I am interpreting these energies, as either ushering in the opportunity for deep and satisfying healing paving a powerful way forward or leading us into an existential crisis where we no longer have a reason or know what the meaning of our life is or who we are.
Ground while maintaining the ability to move freely--DAILY (change will happen).
The belief I had about myself held me hostage. Ultimately, I didn't want to let the reality I had created go by saying 'this doesn't work for me' and walking away. It felt like giving up on the foundation of my belief system, fundamental pieces of me and thus, my Self, while continuing to make one compromise after another. Standing up for my Self, ending relationships and cutting chords (in the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual worlds) were all part of eliminating these sick relationship patterns and predators from my life and world. That world is no longer mine, as it was a world devastated by my own unhealthy boundaries, codependency and a host of maladaptive behaviors triggering childhood inflicted PTSD (or vice versa).
I take full responsibility for the disrespect I allowed to enter my life and the consequences for my part in it. There were a lot of things that happened against my will and yet, with my acceptance. Today, I value myself as a kind, caring and loving person demonstrating that expression for myself above ALL, then family, friends, community, and organizations who offer respect and healthy boundaries themselves. All else is let go.
I am worth far more than casting pearls to swine.
of pearls and bone
by: Jessica Ruth Allen