A word of caution, our external world is often where we find it easiest to push aside when we are uncomfortable inside. The reality is we are being driven to go within and face our deepest Shadows. Our loved ones, especially intimate partners, often feel the brunt of our internal growth through a psychological safety feature called 'projection.' Projection is the unconscious state of taking unwanted emotions or traits you don't like about yourself and attributing them to someone else (1). Before attempting to change these external factors or ridding yourself of what you perceive as an undesirable relationship, I suggest recording the pros and cons -- honestly and fairly -- of any external factors or influences, then seek to understand what internal factors are driving the negative emotions and beliefs projected outside yourself. This advice does not apply if you are in an abusive relationship. If you have found the courage to leave -- do so safely. Visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline for helpful information and support.
Please note, when referring to the DM or DF I am not referring to gender, rather this is an energy we all hold. Masculine energy is ruled by the Sun, it is the part of us that acts and is seen in the world, and the right side of the body. You may relate this to your Sun sign. Feminine energy, the Moon sign in your birth chart, is the invisible musings beneath the surface, the being and unseen parts of the Self, and left side of the body. This is the part we hold close, and for many is un/underdeveloped.
I see this specific eclipse doorway as the external layer of us -- the parts we have shown to the world -- being sloughed away leaving a much more vulnerable and exposed underbelly of the Self in plain sight and for all to see. We are being charged with the energy of getting right with ourselves. Therefore, this may be a highly thought provoking and emotional period. Long hidden secrets and our greatest fears are coming up for examination, review, and exploration. Be curious as you explore these aspects of the Self. Know that some may be ready to be exposed to the outer world, others may need more time to develop safety and trust with. It is a process of evolution and not something that is required to happen overnight. Record your thoughts in a journal. Share your insights with a trusted friend or, if available to you, a trusted circle of like minded individuals. When sharing, know what you need and ask for it. This avoids any confusion and allows the person receiving the message to dial into your expectations of discourse.
Keep in mind, validation does not mean the other person must agree with you, it asks only for the person to listen and confirm they have heard you. A few of tips to keep the conversation a positive experience for both the speaker and listener include:
For both Speaker and Lister
- Turn off distractions, i.e. television.
- Make eye contact with each other.
- You may wish to use a "talking stick" to symbolize who is in the role of Speaker. Anything will do, even a coaster. Whatever you have handy that you agree denotes who is speaking. Please my Talking Stick page to learn more about this sacred tradition.
- Make physical contact with one another, such as holding hands, gently wiping a tear away, or wrapping your loved one in a warm embrace.
- Cognitive dissonance, the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change (2), is likely to occur for both speaker and listener. That is part of what can make conversations of depth intense.
For the Speaker
- Use "I" statements such as, I think..., I feel..., I need..., I want...
- Limit your thoughts to 2-3 sentences, definitely no more than 3 minutes at a time, and limited to one topic. Too much and your message will be lost setting your listener up to disappoint you.
- Do set a timer for yourself and respect the limits of time.
- Sharing is likely to bring up feelings and experiences for the listener. Be open to taking on the role of listener to allow for a conversation to develop between you and your listener.
For the Listener
- Do not interrupt.
- To validate, rephrase what you have heard the speaker say. "What I heard you say was..." is an easy, albeit stiff, way to let the speaker know you have heard them.
- You may also identify a feeling the person is sharing by saying something such as, "It sounds like you may be feeling..." expect the speaker may disagree with your assessment. This is perfectly okay and part of understanding each other better. The speaker may not have assigned a feeling to their experience yet and this part of the dialogue invites exploring emotions on a deeper level.
- Reflecting the speakers thoughts back may create cognitive dissonance. Should the speaker say, "That's not what I said/meant...," understand this is a very important experience for the speaker to discover clarity for themselves. Therefore, do your best to avoid becoming frustrated or argumentative. Embodying childlike curiosity can help us ask questions to further understand.
- Be aware of your own feelings, sharing as appropriate. You may say something to the effect of, "what you're experiencing has brought up some emotions for me, would it be ok for me to share them with you at some point?" The speaker may not be able to hold the space of listener at this time. This inquiry allows them to determine when they are available to be in the space of receiving your experience.
The Eclipse Portal closes on December 14th with a Total Solar Eclipse and New Moon in Sagittarius. This brings in the ability to focus on your desired outcome and see through the confusion and deception. This is a wonderful time to set goals for the future, especially related to what will have been revealed to you during the release of the Full Moon in Gemini Partial Lunar Eclipse on November 30th. Plant those New Moon seeds wisely.
November 30th also marks 21 days from Winter Solstice on December 21, 2020, when Jupiter and Saturn enter Aquarius thus ending a 200 year cycle of masculine dominance and the heavy ‘can do’ energy of Capricorn and a 2,000 year cycle of patriarchal dominance. Saturn and Jupiter in Aquarius have a longing for social justice reform and highlight the importance of authority and leadership. The conjunction between these two planets will continue through the Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) until 2059. This energy promises to serve up new ideas, humanitarian causes, and technological and medical advancements. While still controversial, political progressivism in the United States ("...emphasize racial equality and minority rights, decry U.S. imperialism, shun biological ideas in social science, and have little use for piety or proselytizing. The modern movement shares the notion that the free markets lead to economic inequalities that must be ameliorated" (3)), will become normalized as the understanding of wealth distribution and fairness to the middle class becomes more accurately understood.
Be certain, the next 21 days are VERY important as you cycle through releasing the mental and physical constructs of the patriarchy for a more balanced view. This will be uncomfortable for many, as will the first half of 2021. I understand many of you had hoped for a reprieve from the discomfort of 2020 and I empathize with you. Change takes time. It's the one constant thing we have in life and while we are all feeling the intensity of this pressure building, trust this change is occurring for the greater good. Watch my video on the Global Dark Night of the Soul for more insights on how I see the Pandemic effecting humanity as a Collective.
Here are a few ideas on what you can do to support yourself over the next 21 days.
Full Moon Water Elixir
This is a wonderful opportunity to repurpose jars and bottles.
- Fill a glass jar or bottle with filtered water and a pinch of sea salt. To increase the energy and consciousness of the water, tie a gemstone to the outside, and/or write positive words on the bottle. For more information on water consciousness, please see Dr. Masaru Emoto's work (The Wellness Enterprise offers a quick overview.)
- Make enough Moon Water Elixir so you are able to have a small drink (about an ounce or two a day will do) each day for the next 21 days.
- Cleanse yourself by smudging with smoke or a feather, taking a shower or bath, or centering your mind and body through a yoga and/or meditation practice prior to ingesting the elixir.
- While imbibing, do so with the conscious awareness you are drawing the energy of the Full Moon into your cells. Imagine the energy of the Full Moon filling each of your cells, nourishing your body and mind (Gemini is ruled by Mercury, the Ancient God of Communication), and supporting you through this evolutionary cycle.
- Moon Water Elixir is also a powerful antidote to New Moon blues, lethargy related to menses, and is supportive during a dark night of the Soul.
I have heard many refer to having experienced a dark night of the soul when normal life experiences have resulted in a tumultuous emotional experience, such as can happen from the end of a relationship. While I am certain the experience is heartbreaking and a darkness has set in, I am reluctant to view what I consider normal to the human experience a dark night. A true dark night is not a passing experience that lasts a few months, or even a year. A dark night of the Soul is an experience that takes years to descend into and out of. It is an experience few recover from, as the descent is a calling for the Soul -- the Ancient buried part of you -- to awaken and rise. It requires the individual to descend into a pit of Hell, similar to Dante's Inferno, of their own psyche, recover lost Soul pieces of themselves, then crawl their way out with less of who they thought they were and more of who they are becoming. It is a radical excavation and one that requires a significant amount of time and support.
Please know, this experience requires the professional support of a licensed therapist, preferably a Jungian Analyst or someone who works in the field of Depth Psychology. To find a professional, there are two directories that stand out, Psychology Today and Good Therapy.
Each crystal has a unique personality, even within the same type. Much like we are shaped and defined by our family of origin, the culture we are born into, and how we interact with it and each other, so to do gemstones become their own unique Selves. For example, a piece of amethyst will vibrate at a different resonance and energy signature unique to itself. This is influenced by where and how it was extracted from the Earth, the shape and cut of the stone itself, the size and quality of the stone are also significant factors.
- Before placing your crystals out to absorb the energy of the Full Moon, take some time to cleanse and release them from intentions set and anything that is not organic to that specific stone. You can do this by running water over them or soaking them in salt water, with the exception of selenite and other stones that will 'melt' from water, burning herbs and incense and clearing the energy of the stone in the smoke, setting them out to be cleansed in the light of the Sun or on the ground. One of my favorite ways to discharge inorganic energy in my gemstones is to place them at the base of a tree. Set your intention, thank the elemental employed for its service, thank the gemstone for its previous hard work, and trust you will know when the old energy is clear. Trusting your feelings in activities like this helps hone your intuition.
- Your crystals may have a particular desire to touch the Earth as they absorb this light, others may prefer to be seated on a silk cloth. Trust where your intuition leads you.
- Charging under the Full Moon allows our crystals to build their energy back up, come into positive alignment with their authentic Selves, and be able to enter the space of helper and healer once again.
- After your gemstones are fully charge, you may choose to place your intention into the stone immediately after charging or take the time to get to know your individual stones.
- To place your intention into the stone it is best to align your intention with the energy of the particular stone you are working with. For example, smoky quartz acts as a psychic vacuum cleaner. Therefore, placing your intention for the stone to act "gently as it relieves you of psychic debris" affirms its place in your life. Stating for it to "gently" work with you increases your ability to remain upright and not get pulled into an energetic undertow. Some may argue defining how a magical item does its work isn't necessary as we will 'only be given what we can handle.' In this new energetic sphere we are moving towards, tearing into the psyche is not recommended, nor needed. Remember, we are moving into the Aquarian Age, the energy of high minded and responsible thinking itself. I do not teach or recommend a path of ferocity, as too few have made it back from the Otherside.
- To get to know your individual stones take some time to work with a single stone at a time for as long as it takes for you to feel a kinship and deepen your understanding of who they are and what they have to offer you on your journey. Be gentle in your exploration, practice being present, and extend your curiosity to the stone's personality and resonance. You may find sudden realizations or insights come to you during very mundane experiences or during the dreamtime. There is no need to rush this practice, as building any healthy relationship takes time.
- The Book of Stones: Who They Are and What They Teach by Robert Simmons and Naisha Ahsian is an excellent reference guide.
Questions? Leave me a comment below.
- Healthline, It’s Not Me, It’s You: Projection Explained in Human Terms
- Google Dictionary definition
- Wikipedia, Progressivism in the United States In the 21st Century